No More Tears
by unicornhime
Summary: A different take on the end of Chapter 21, if Alina had been allowed in Mal's cell.


I couldn't say if it was crueler to let me into Mal's cell than it was to continue to keep us apart. All I knew that I felt like my world was crumbling, piece by piece as we made our confessions sitting side by side and recounted stories of our shared childhood as the night rushed by.

I refused to fall asleep and lose these last precious few moments with him. He chuckled when I began to nod off only to jerk myself violently awake as I caught myself.

"C'mere," he said softly, reaching for me and pulling me down into his lap, folding his arms around me. I heard him inhale deeply, though I didn't want to think about what I probably smelled like. "You should sleep," he murmured, his breath against my neck sending shivers down my spine.

"I don't want to," I mumbled stubbornly even as I curled against his chest. He picked up my hand and fingered my scar. His careful touch made my heart sputter and skip.

"You'll need your strength," he insisted softly, bringing my hand to his lips to kiss it gently. "It's enough for me to just have you here."

I hummed in contentment and pressed my nose into his neck. He smelled like sweat and grass.

"I can't believe you never told me about this scar," he said, amused as he continued to play with my hand. "There's still so much I don't know about you."

The regret in his voice set me off and I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes. We'd spent so much time together as kids, and yet now it felt like we didn't have any time at all.

"Hey, don't cry," he said, dropping my hand and cradling my face instead, tilting it up to face him. "I'm not worth your tears."

I sniffed. "Of course you are, you idiot." But I tried to dam the tears anyway, for his sake. His gentle thumbs brushed my cheeks dry.

"I'm should say I'm sorry I didn't realize I loved you sooner," his voice was so soft I could barely hear it, "But I'm not. Not really. You've always been strong, but now…there's new something about you. You seem more confident…more comfortable in your own skin. And I would never want to take that away from you."

I was going to cry again. His eyes were bright as they drunk me in, shining in the moonlight and all I could do was reach up to brush my lips against his.

His reaction was immediate as he returned the kiss, inhaling sharply. His fingers burned warm against my skin as he held me firmly, his lips pressing hungrily against my own. There was no cold cell, no threat of the Fold, nothing outside the press of our bodies.

I shifted my body, straddling his lap and his hands fell to my waist. His kisses trailed down to my neck as I threaded my fingers through his thick hair. It was matted with mud and dirt, but I didn't care, I just wanted him closer.

My eyes fell shut as he reclaimed my lips, our kisses growing sloppy and frantic with exhaustion and fear of the coming morning. I felt something wet on my skin, and it shocked me to realize that Mal was the one crying.

"No tears, remember?" I tried to scold him, but my voice broke.

He laughed weakly, and wrapped his arms around me, holding me so tight I was afraid I might break. I didn't care. I would break a million times over for him if I could.

At least I was warm and safe in his arms when sleep finally won the battle.

Even if it meant I would never wake in his arms again, at least I would have this once.

I woke to the sound of heavy boots in the stone hallway, instantly alert. I looked to Mal. His handsome face was tight, free from any sign of weakness.

"Alina," he said quickly, before the guard could come close enough to interrupt, and I met his steady gaze. "I want you to remember me like this, like the boy you knew from our days with Ana Kuya, and the man who loves you. No matter what happens after this, can you do that for me? Can you promise to remember me with love and not with fear or regret?"

I nodded, biting my lip.

He kissed my forehead, then my mouth once more, firm and unyeilding. "And no tears, okay? It'll only make things worse."

We'd both already broken that last request, but I would try – for him. He was going to lose his life for me. It was the least I could do.

The guard unlocked the cell then and took me by the arm, making some lewd comment in the process as he took me back to my tent, but I didn't even care. All I cared about was imprinting Mal's face on my memory, and his expression of naked love for me. The thing I'd wanted for as long as I could remember, and it was yanked away from me.

But I didn't cry again. My heart was broken and my soul cracked, but even as the dawn brought the camp to life, I steeled my nerves and waited.

This was not going to be the end.


End file.
